She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
