im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
