You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
