I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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