in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
