a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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