doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
