Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
