Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
