so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
