shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
