So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
