oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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