New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
