Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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