I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
