I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
