the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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