This is not my ceiling
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
