please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
