if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
