hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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