I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
