in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
