wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
