i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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