Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
