I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
