If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
