Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
