If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
