Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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