So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
