You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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