I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
