well most of my day revolves around power hour
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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