Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
