My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
