you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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