i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
