the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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