No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
