So drunk its hurt
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
