When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Boobs are out for the taking
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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