So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
