Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
