One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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