Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
