Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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