Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
