I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
