Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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