I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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