I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
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Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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