Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
