I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
