where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize