She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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