Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
