this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
as a side note pls kill me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
