I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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