we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
