Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
