I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
