well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
