UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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