(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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