you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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