Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
there is puke in my bra ... again
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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