i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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