dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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