And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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